HA! here is an old post I found that I never published. (I have lots...)
how much more blunt must one be...? I don't really like avoiding texts but sometimes it really does take me that long to either talk myself into dating someone or to think of a response that means "no")
Him: "So are you going to let me take you out?"
Me:
(hahaha! :( I wasn't sure how to respond! I was having an internal battle between knowing I didn't like him and trying to be open minded and going out on one date. And I had a busy weekend. I was hanging out with my sister!)
Him: "Hey beautiful how's your day going?"
Me:
Him: "where did you go?"
Me:
(I was still thinking about it...... well it's been two days maybe he'll figure out that I'm not interested?)
Him: "So the world is coming to an end Dec 12th. We should go out before the end of the world."
Me: "Hey. Sorry. Honestly, I've been thinking about it and you seem really nice but I'm just not interested in pursuing a relationship. Sorry"
Him: "Yea what are you interested in pursuing?"
Me:
Him: "Going on a date is just an excuse for me to get to know you... I'm cool with hangout too if you want a friend if you still let me hit on you."
Me:
Him: "Cuddle friends are cool.... you don't want to totally blow me off cuz you'll miss me lol"
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Therapy
My gosh it's been a long time.
update:
I've been dating someone for a few months. he thinks everything is great and actually mentioned the future. I'm confused and wondering what universe he is living in. (I guess i always thought when I found "the one," whatever that means, it would not feel like a roller coaster and would just flow and work....)
I started my art therapy program. I hate school. but I love the idea of my life moving in a different direction and I find the content interesting.
I still have big fears of finding a job. Although, I made a good decision about which school to go to, I am still unsure it is enough as far as securing my finances.
I've decided to start seeing a therapist/counselor for two reasons:
1) the relationship stuff is freaking me out and I am realizing I have A LOT of issues centered around marriage and commitment and love and expectations and self acceptance and trust and change and sex and well pretty much everything
2) it is strongly suggested as part of my program that I go to at least 8 sessions. (based on the list above I think I'll need more... hahaha!)
so the timing seems right.
How do you find and choose a counselor/therapist? the only one I've been to just did an exercise, over the course of 4 visits, where we talked about all the good stuff in my life in an attempt to improve my self esteem and have a positive outlook. Mostly it just made me feel bad for feeling bad. hahaha!
google seems like a good place to start. wish me luck!
update:
I've been dating someone for a few months. he thinks everything is great and actually mentioned the future. I'm confused and wondering what universe he is living in. (I guess i always thought when I found "the one," whatever that means, it would not feel like a roller coaster and would just flow and work....)
I started my art therapy program. I hate school. but I love the idea of my life moving in a different direction and I find the content interesting.
I still have big fears of finding a job. Although, I made a good decision about which school to go to, I am still unsure it is enough as far as securing my finances.
Bad photo but it's me at my first residency
I've decided to start seeing a therapist/counselor for two reasons:
1) the relationship stuff is freaking me out and I am realizing I have A LOT of issues centered around marriage and commitment and love and expectations and self acceptance and trust and change and sex and well pretty much everything
2) it is strongly suggested as part of my program that I go to at least 8 sessions. (based on the list above I think I'll need more... hahaha!)
so the timing seems right.
How do you find and choose a counselor/therapist? the only one I've been to just did an exercise, over the course of 4 visits, where we talked about all the good stuff in my life in an attempt to improve my self esteem and have a positive outlook. Mostly it just made me feel bad for feeling bad. hahaha!
google seems like a good place to start. wish me luck!
Monday, June 17, 2013
A "Real" Single Mom
It seems there are a lot of moms out there whose husbands have to spend a lot of time away from home, usually for work. Or oftentimes, even if one is fortunate enough to have a husband who does not have to travel for work, they work such crazy hours that they rarely see each other during the day.
I can only try to imagine it might feel a little like when my ex husband and I were in school and working and we hardly ever saw or talked to each other, even when we were both home at the same time.
With so many of these women and mom's left home to pull off the day to day tasks alone, I've heard my share of "I'm basically a single mom with hubby gone all the time" and "it's so hard being a single mom while hubby is out of town" or "I may as well be a single parent" or any other version of that.
Honestly, I can't help but think do they really know what it's like....? to be a single mom... to not have a husband and really do it alone.
There was a time (right after my divorce to be exact) where I had decided I had to do it alone. I wanted to do everything alone without help from anyone. I wanted to prove that I didn't need anyone and at the time I needed the security that came with knowing I could do it without anyone's help and that I didn't need to rely on anyone ever again.
Sometimes doing it alone doesn't sound that noble, and exciting anymore....
Sometimes I think it might nice to not have to do it all alone, not because I can't handle it but because maybe it would be nice to just be the good guy once in a while or just have somebody else back me up when the kid doesn't agree with the rules. It would be so nice to know that the weight of all the finances don't fall on my shoulders alone and there is someone else there to pick up the slack. It would be nice to know I don't have to make all the big huge decisions alone and then wonder if I made the wrong choice. Sometimes I think it might be nice to plan vacations with someone and go as a family so I don't have to highjack other people's vacations. It would be fun to have someone to tell about the silly thing our kid did that day. It would be nice to have a husband to come home to sometimes or to have him come home to me... I wonder if it might be nice to have someone there at the end of a crazy stressful day to vent to and know they still love me after I ugly cried...
I'm not saying those mom's don't have their own challenges but maybe they don't know what it's like to be a single mom. And with that maybe I don't know what it's like to not know that I don't have to do it alone.
I can only try to imagine it might feel a little like when my ex husband and I were in school and working and we hardly ever saw or talked to each other, even when we were both home at the same time.
With so many of these women and mom's left home to pull off the day to day tasks alone, I've heard my share of "I'm basically a single mom with hubby gone all the time" and "it's so hard being a single mom while hubby is out of town" or "I may as well be a single parent" or any other version of that.
Honestly, I can't help but think do they really know what it's like....? to be a single mom... to not have a husband and really do it alone.
There was a time (right after my divorce to be exact) where I had decided I had to do it alone. I wanted to do everything alone without help from anyone. I wanted to prove that I didn't need anyone and at the time I needed the security that came with knowing I could do it without anyone's help and that I didn't need to rely on anyone ever again.
Sometimes doing it alone doesn't sound that noble, and exciting anymore....
Sometimes I think it might nice to not have to do it all alone, not because I can't handle it but because maybe it would be nice to just be the good guy once in a while or just have somebody else back me up when the kid doesn't agree with the rules. It would be so nice to know that the weight of all the finances don't fall on my shoulders alone and there is someone else there to pick up the slack. It would be nice to know I don't have to make all the big huge decisions alone and then wonder if I made the wrong choice. Sometimes I think it might be nice to plan vacations with someone and go as a family so I don't have to highjack other people's vacations. It would be fun to have someone to tell about the silly thing our kid did that day. It would be nice to have a husband to come home to sometimes or to have him come home to me... I wonder if it might be nice to have someone there at the end of a crazy stressful day to vent to and know they still love me after I ugly cried...
I'm not saying those mom's don't have their own challenges but maybe they don't know what it's like to be a single mom. And with that maybe I don't know what it's like to not know that I don't have to do it alone.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
my worst doorstep scene ever, of all time
Oh my goodness! I just realized I have a few unfinished, unpublished posts. I think I will share them now.
Yay! I finally have a horrific doorstep scene.... most involve some failed attempt on one's part to kiss the other.... nope not me.
Yay! I finally have a horrific doorstep scene.... most involve some failed attempt on one's part to kiss the other.... nope not me.
Our second date went okay, other than the fact that, despite my greatest efforts, when he came to pick me up Sydney made sure she was there to answer the door, making for some awkward conversation in the car. We went to a play and when he dropped me off and proceeded to walk me to the door our neighbor down the street pulled her car into the driveway right behind him. She was there to pick up her daughter who was at our house playing with Sydney. Perfect timing! right....? She walked up to the door step where we were standing. What was I to do? I opened the door and told Sydney's friend her mom was there and it was time to go, trying to hurry things along while saying goodnight to my date. I knew it was over when my mom showed up at the door and started chatting it up with said neighbor. And Sydney and her friend took that as a cue to go back down stairs and continue playing. At one point my neighbor said behind half closed door "oh! is she on a date?" while I waited outside trying to figure out how long they were going to take and what I should do and if he could just back out his car around her.... the 5 minutes felt like it turned into eternity waiting for them to finish their relief society meeting. I finally went back inside and told Sydney's friend it was time to leave and helped her find her shoes and her mom took her home....
he never asked me out again. hahahah!
he never asked me out again. hahahah!
what not to do when online dating
Let's add this to "what not to do when online dating." Take notes guys! (Too bad there are no guys reading this blog. it could come in handy. hehe)
I almost feel bad (maybe in a scared for my life kind of way) for posting this because it has this guy's face, but oh well. hahahah!
why would you include a picture of yourself looking like a scary psycho killer as your main profile photo on a dating website....? I could never go on a date with this guy and not expect to be kidnapped tortured in his basement for a few days and then have my lifeless body dumped in a field somewhere. this photo scares me!
that is all
I almost feel bad (maybe in a scared for my life kind of way) for posting this because it has this guy's face, but oh well. hahahah!
why would you include a picture of yourself looking like a scary psycho killer as your main profile photo on a dating website....? I could never go on a date with this guy and not expect to be kidnapped tortured in his basement for a few days and then have my lifeless body dumped in a field somewhere. this photo scares me!
that is all
Monday, November 12, 2012
"Why God spared me I don't know." Sigh... Gag!
Hey! another gem from the online dating world! this is a goodie! almost as if a gift from above for all the world admire.
I can't decide what's worse... that it sounds like this guy got his crap out of a self-help book or that he thinks he's God's gift to the world....
"I have very diverse and wide range of interests and passions. The words “can’t” or “impossible” don’t exist for me.
I love laughing, loving and spending time with those I care about. I enjoy my time alone.
I live my life according to the dictates of my own conscience, values and beliefs and am fiercely independent and resist dogma in all its forms; at the same time I have the ability to get along well with just about anyone and I understand when you deal with individuals the ability to compromise is often crucial.. Life for me is simple. Happiness is a choice. I wake up everyday and make that choice.
While I am a driven person, I do a good job of finding balance between work, family and personal time.
Like most people I have many sides and am a study in contrasts. Some of the traits I have that I give the most weight to are: unselfish, forgiving, kind, funny and thoughtful. I am open-minded and adventurous always willing to try new things.
As a child and young teenager I was able to not only miraculously survive, but become a very compassionate human being as a result of heartbreaking loss, and tremendous individual trials, pain and suffering that no child or adult should ever have to endure. Why God spared me I don't know, but as a result I have always felt a deep responsibility to give back and help people where possible, especially children. I have spent a good portion of my life in that pursuit.
Ultimately I am committed to finding someone who shares my base core values and interests and isn't afraid to open their heart and have a deeply meaningful and passionate relationship. In the mean time I would simply like to get to know some new people and make some valuable lasting friendships--and for the right person we can take it from there."
Worst of all, this is what I imagine my ex-husband's profile would sound like. Both incredibly enlightened godly beings, gifts to this earth from God above. Both sent to this cruel world forced to overcome insurmountable odds with Herculean strength. And still destined to roam this earth among these mere mortals, all the while blessing the lives of all who come into contact with them.
I can't decide what's worse... that it sounds like this guy got his crap out of a self-help book or that he thinks he's God's gift to the world....
"I have very diverse and wide range of interests and passions. The words “can’t” or “impossible” don’t exist for me.
I love laughing, loving and spending time with those I care about. I enjoy my time alone.
I live my life according to the dictates of my own conscience, values and beliefs and am fiercely independent and resist dogma in all its forms; at the same time I have the ability to get along well with just about anyone and I understand when you deal with individuals the ability to compromise is often crucial.. Life for me is simple. Happiness is a choice. I wake up everyday and make that choice.
While I am a driven person, I do a good job of finding balance between work, family and personal time.
Like most people I have many sides and am a study in contrasts. Some of the traits I have that I give the most weight to are: unselfish, forgiving, kind, funny and thoughtful. I am open-minded and adventurous always willing to try new things.
As a child and young teenager I was able to not only miraculously survive, but become a very compassionate human being as a result of heartbreaking loss, and tremendous individual trials, pain and suffering that no child or adult should ever have to endure. Why God spared me I don't know, but as a result I have always felt a deep responsibility to give back and help people where possible, especially children. I have spent a good portion of my life in that pursuit.
Ultimately I am committed to finding someone who shares my base core values and interests and isn't afraid to open their heart and have a deeply meaningful and passionate relationship. In the mean time I would simply like to get to know some new people and make some valuable lasting friendships--and for the right person we can take it from there."
Worst of all, this is what I imagine my ex-husband's profile would sound like. Both incredibly enlightened godly beings, gifts to this earth from God above. Both sent to this cruel world forced to overcome insurmountable odds with Herculean strength. And still destined to roam this earth among these mere mortals, all the while blessing the lives of all who come into contact with them.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
what if he's the one...?
What does it mean if you are just starting to date someone and you think, "what if he's the one?" but not in an excited, "I think he's the one" kinda way, but more of a "crap! what if he's the one? What if we start dating seriously and I can't find any red flags....? what if we get along and he wants to marry me...? what if I end up marrying him? maybe I should end it now before it's too late" kinda way.
Let's take a little stroll in my brain and analyze for a moment, shall we!? because it is my most favorite past time, of all time! hehehe
Does this mean I don't really want to be in a relationship? Does this mean I'm not ready for a relationship?
Am I afraid of commitment? Am I messed up?
Am I still hurt and haven't fully let go of the past?
Do I just not like him enough? Am I too picky? Will I ever like someone enough to want to marry them?
What if it means that I won't ever be happy with who I'm dating?
Will I always wonder if there is someone else out there for me?
Does it mean that I am subconsciously being too picky and not allowing myself to like anyone?
Will I ever date someone I feel right about marrying?
And if I do ever feel right about marrying someone again, will he want to marry me back?
(that is the one question that keeps me up at night, so to speak...)
Let's take a little stroll in my brain and analyze for a moment, shall we!? because it is my most favorite past time, of all time! hehehe
Does this mean I don't really want to be in a relationship? Does this mean I'm not ready for a relationship?
Am I afraid of commitment? Am I messed up?
Am I still hurt and haven't fully let go of the past?
Do I just not like him enough? Am I too picky? Will I ever like someone enough to want to marry them?
What if it means that I won't ever be happy with who I'm dating?
Will I always wonder if there is someone else out there for me?
Does it mean that I am subconsciously being too picky and not allowing myself to like anyone?
Will I ever date someone I feel right about marrying?
And if I do ever feel right about marrying someone again, will he want to marry me back?
(that is the one question that keeps me up at night, so to speak...)
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