Be blunt. Be very blunt....

 HA! here is an old post I found that I never published. (I have lots...)

how much more blunt must one be...? I don't really like avoiding texts but sometimes it really does take me that long to either talk myself into dating someone or to think of a response that means "no")

Him: "So are you going to let me take you out?"

Me:
(hahaha! :( I wasn't sure how to respond! I was having an internal battle between knowing I didn't like him and trying to be open minded and going out on one date. And I had a busy weekend. I was hanging out with my sister!)

Him: "Hey beautiful how's your day going?"

Me:

Him: "where did you go?"

Me:
(I was still thinking about it...... well it's been two days maybe he'll figure out that I'm not interested?)

Him: "So the world is coming to an end Dec 12th. We should go out before the end of the world."

Me: "Hey. Sorry. Honestly, I've been thinking about it and you seem really nice but I'm just not interested in   pursuing a relationship. Sorry"

Him: "Yea what are you interested in pursuing?"

Me:

Him: "Going on a date is just an excuse for me to get to know you... I'm cool with hangout too if you want a friend if you still let me hit on you."

Me:

Him: "Cuddle friends are cool.... you don't want to totally blow me off cuz you'll miss me lol"

Therapy

My gosh it's been a long time.
update:

I've been dating someone for a few months. he thinks everything is great and actually mentioned the future. I'm confused and wondering what universe he is living in.  (I guess i always thought when I found "the one," whatever that means, it would not feel like a roller coaster and would just flow and work....)

I started my art therapy program. I hate school. but I love the idea of my life moving in a different direction and I find the content interesting.
I still have big fears of finding a job. Although, I made a good decision about which school to go to, I am still unsure it is enough as far as securing my finances.

 Bad photo but it's me at my first residency

I've decided to start seeing a therapist/counselor for two reasons:
1) the relationship stuff is freaking me out and I am realizing I have A LOT of issues centered around marriage and commitment and love and expectations and self acceptance and trust and change and sex and well pretty much everything
2) it is strongly suggested as part of my program that I go to at least 8 sessions. (based on the list above I think I'll need more... hahaha!)

so the timing seems right.
How do you find and choose a counselor/therapist? the only one I've been to just did an exercise, over the course of 4 visits, where we talked about all the good stuff in my life in an attempt to improve my self esteem and have a positive outlook. Mostly it just made me feel bad for feeling bad. hahaha!

google seems like a good place to start. wish me luck!

my worst doorstep scene ever, of all time

Oh my goodness! I just realized I have a few unfinished, unpublished posts. I think I will share them now.

Yay! I finally have a horrific doorstep scene.... most involve some failed attempt on one's part to kiss the other.... nope not me.

Our second date went okay, other than the fact that, despite my greatest efforts, when he came to pick me up Sydney made sure she was there to answer the door, making for some awkward conversation in the car. We went to a play and when he dropped me off and proceeded to walk me to the door our neighbor down the street pulled her car into the driveway right behind him. She was there to pick up her daughter who was at our house playing with Sydney. Perfect timing! right....? She walked up to the door step where we were standing. What was I to do? I opened the door and told Sydney's friend her mom was there and it was time to go, trying to hurry things along while saying goodnight to my date. I knew it was over when my mom showed up at the door and started chatting it up with said neighbor. And Sydney and her friend took that as a cue to go back down stairs and continue playing. At one point my neighbor said behind half closed door "oh! is she on a date?" while I waited outside trying to figure out how long they were going to take and what I should do and if he could just back out his car around her.... the 5 minutes felt like it turned into eternity waiting for them to finish their relief society meeting. I finally went back inside and told Sydney's friend it was time to leave and helped her find her shoes and her mom took her home....

he never asked me out again. hahahah!

what not to do when online dating

Let's add this to "what not to do when online dating." Take notes guys! (Too bad there are no guys reading this blog. it could come in handy. hehe)

I almost feel bad (maybe in a scared for my life kind of way) for posting this because it has this guy's face, but oh well. hahahah!

why would you include a picture of yourself looking like a scary psycho killer as your main profile photo on a dating website....? I could never go on a date with this guy and not expect to be kidnapped tortured in his basement for a few days and then have my lifeless body dumped in a field somewhere. this photo scares me!
that is all

what if he's the one...?

What does it mean if you are just starting to date someone and you think, "what if he's the one?" but not in an excited, "I think he's the one" kinda way, but  more of a "crap! what if he's the one? What if we start dating seriously and I can't find any red flags....?  what if we get along and he wants to marry me...? what if I end up marrying him? maybe I should end it now before it's too late" kinda way.

Let's take a little stroll in my brain and analyze for a moment, shall we!? because it is my most favorite past time, of all time! hehehe

Does this mean I don't really want to be in a relationship? Does this mean I'm not ready for a relationship?
Am I afraid of commitment? Am I messed up?
Am I still hurt and haven't fully let go of the past?
Do I just not like him enough? Am I too picky? Will I ever like someone enough to want to marry them?
What if it means that I won't ever be happy with who I'm dating?
Will I always wonder if there is someone else out there for me?
Does it mean that I am subconsciously being too picky and not allowing myself to like anyone?
 Will I ever date someone I feel right about marrying?
And if I do ever feel right about marrying someone again, will he want to marry me back?
(that is the one question that keeps me up at night, so to speak...)

it's hard to wait around...

Sometimes this is how I feel about getting married.....

Being presumptuous

I just love to share all the stupid crap I do because I do stupid crap all the time. and it's funny.....

This guy added me on facebook a long time ago.  I've never actually met him but we have a lot of common friends. He started chatting with me over facebook one day. He asked me if I would like to go the park and play or go to dinner and a movie, or so I thought......

 I kindly decline with, "That is very nice of you. I am very flattered. I am just not interested, thank you though. :)"
I was proud of myself for having the strength to say no when I knew I wasn't interested. (normally I don't handle things such straight forward grace)

Several days later I realized that he did not ask me out. He merely said, "do you go to the park and play or go to dinner and a movie?"
I completely read his message wrong!

I must think I'm pretty hot shit to presume that every guy that talks to me wants to date me..... hahahahah! I must have seemed like a conceited jerk! hahah!

dating update

I have people ask me a lot who I'm dating, if I'm dating, and how is dating. I don't really care. most singles get annoyed but I am an open book.

So here is a little tidbit of my dating life for ya'll to enjoy if you care to know. It's super exciting and eventful and you won't want to miss it! ;)
 (this is an excerpt from a facebook convo I was having with a friend. forgive the improper use of tense and for the disorganization)

Earlier this summer I met this guy at a party. (let's call him "Ben") We met talked a few times at parties and church and then he left at the beginning of the summer to work and plans on coming back at the end of the summer and when he's finished working.  

Cute guy moves in to Ben's room while he's gone. (let's call him "cute guy". Ben is cute too but this guy is called Cute Guy) Ben and Cute Guy will be roommates when Ben comes back. they have mutual friends/roommates) I've talked to Cute Guy a couple of times. He is super shy according to his friend. And he said he hasn't been on a date for a year. 

I think, "If I could talk to him enough, maybe we could get to know each other and hopefully make it happen."

So I organize movie nights at his house with his other roommate. And I ask if he's going. He goes, we talk here and there over the summer. Nothing happens. 

Ben's birthday shows up on my facebook. i wish him happy birthday on his fb wall and ask when he's coming home. He comments he's home for a week. Then i get an invite to his bday party that is that night. 

I check it out and think. "oh cool. Cute Guy will be there. maybe i'll go get my flirt on and try again to talk to cute guy for the 10th time. it could be good. I think i'll clean my room in the mean time and look for a paper i've been needing from back in my college days at the U." 

I start digging through old stuff. 7pm rolls around. I think i'll go at 8. 8 rolls around. Organizing my gift wrap.... 

"Oh it's almost 8:30. Well what if not many people are there... Cute guy goes to bed early anyways. It did say they were doing a movie in the back yard. Maybe he will still be around. But it seems kinda pointless to try to keep talking to Cute Guy. He's either not interested, too shy or has no desire to try to date me. Either way I sure am throwing away a lot of junk and it feels good."

end of my dating shenanigans

Why I am a minimalist

I think I'm kinda cool, calling myself a minimalist.... But funny because I'm not really a real minimalist. I still have a lot of junk. hahaha! but I also get that it is a process and well.... I'm still working on it. I'm still decluttering. Sespite my goal to remove one item a day from my space, I still miss a lot of days. Last night I decided to declutter one drawer which turned into decluttering 5 drawers and some old school work from my undergrad. it's hard throwing away papers that I spent hours and hours on!
But I read this article today and it pretty my describes why i've decided to be a minimalist.

you should read it :) just sayin... :) hehe

http://www.becomingminimalist.com/2012/07/09/own-less-stuff-pursue-your-passions-finally/

I love decluttering! it makes my heart sing! :)

Oh! and good news! I cancelled my match.com account. again..... hahahah! how many times have I said that?! hahah! But because I am being more picky about who I spend my precious time dating, I realized that I wasn't going on nearly enough dates to justify it. It feels good. And it feels good to have so many weekends and nights available to do what I really want. I realize I was so worried about not finding someone that I was willing to date anyone in the hopes that I could convince myself that they were that someone. anyays. there is the update on my pathetic dating life. hehe

I got a date!

I got a date! I got a date! I got a date, hey hey hey hey!

I sound like the biggest lame-o. hahaha! But, honestly, since I decided not to date guys I don't like....  I haven't been on very many dates lately! Sad right? you should feel sorry for me... ;)

But I am a tiny bit excited. It's been a long time since I've had a date. pretty sure it's been 2 months! But again I'm not counting! hahahaha!

Oh, in case you're wondering... this is a blind date with someone my friend is setting me up with. I'm not sure there is such thing as a "blind date" anymore, since you can pretty much google and facebook stalk anyone you want. (which I take full liberty with)  But he seems decent. He's a photographer...... Not sure how I feel about that yet.... hahhahaha!

another crappy online dating profile

It's been a while since I've shared a profile from an online dating site....
here's a good one. ya' all might think it sounds good and sweet enough. but let me pick it apart for you and tell you why it is a HUGE no. :) and you will see why I am too damn picky. :)

The first paragraph was fine but here is where he shoots himself in the foot:
(My interjections are in italics)

I find a girl extremely sexy when a she tries to make me smile or just hugs me (physical touch is one of my 3 love languages). This makes me go to the ends of the earth for her. As a old fashion romantic, I am very loyal and I love to show it right back. I still pratice the old arts of opening doors, walking a woman to her door, and flowers. I am truely amazed when i open a door for my date and she makes a comment about never having this done before. 
ugh! hahahah! when a guy starts talking about some fictional fantasy girl who is always doing sexy things I can just tell that he has some fantasy of what a girl should be and what he is going to get, rather than what he has to offer. I'm not saying a relationship should be all about what a guy does for a girl but what each person can do for each other.  I acknowledge that he mentions how romantic  he is, but he should not be making promises like going to the ends of the earth for her...  Most of the time guys think they are way more romantic than the really are. and in my experience the guys who actually go on about how romantic they are, are not actually romantic at all. (or they are super cheesy and clingy)

I strongly believe in "love languages" and believe that it's not only important to understand them, but come to know your partners VERY well. I am a sucker for a good passionate kiss! I am looking for my princess to rescue from the tower of life. If you find me as a possible prince charming, please drop me a line.
barf! Any girl that is smarter than a box of rocks and has a grasp of reality would see right through his gushing about finding his "princess to rescue from the tower of life." I can't stand it when a guys talk about being a knight in shining armor or how romantic he is. We all know it's not true. 

Lowest of the low in dating

There are rules to dating. I don't care what anyone says there are rules. And within those rules for dating there are rules or steps to follow  when asking someone out. It's not like they are super hard to follow.

Steps to asking someone out on a date:

1. Select the girl you'd like to ask out
2. Call in advance and ask ( if you ask out any later than three days you can hope to get a date but don't expect a girl to be free)
3. Set a date and time
4. Make a plan for what you will do on said date (this one can happen at any point in the asking out process as long as it is decided before you pick her up, and it can even be tentative idea of what you want to do as long as you don't pick her up and then ask her, "So. What do you want to do?")

That's it! easy peasy!

Ask any girl and most of the time she will say she appreciates it when a guy calls to ask you out, rather than sends a text, email, facebook chat etc. And there is another handful of girls who will say the despise when a guy asks them out over text or facebook. And will even turn down a date if it is approached that way.

I agree it is annoying. but I don't get all huffy about it. I understand it can be intimidating to ask someone out but at some point you just have to man up and just do it. I have found in such cases it is best, when someone asks you out over text, to say something like, "I'd love to go out. Give me a call and we can decide when" or something like that. you get the point.

But I have witnessed over the past week, two displays of the lowest of the low in asking for a date. Asking for a date via facebook status. This is different from asking a specific girl over chat. It is posting on your facebook wall or you singles ward's facebook group page that you are looking for a date if anyone is interested.

See examples posted on my singles ward facebook page: 

"So I was invited to a red carpet movie premiere of Richard Dutcher's "Fallen" tonight and was told I should try to find a date. Short notice I know but any girls out there have a nice dress/outfit that they don't get a chance to wear, maybe even an old prom dress, and wouldn't mind going with me, just get a hold of me. Just so you know though this is an opportunity mainly for networking within the film industry more than anything else. There is somewhat of a "wrap party" after the premiere as well, which is the better opportunity for meeting people."

Comment from another guy in the ward: "Ladies, you're idiots if you don't take him up on this offer."

"I'm looking for a date this Friday night. If you like to dance, or are ok with learning, and would like to go on a casual date, message me with your contact info and I'll be in touch. Thanks!"

This was my comment, but then decided to just post it here, rather than start any confrontation or fights on our ward's facebook group page:
"So.... I love you boys... and I admire all the courage it takes to ask girls out. But if it is a DATE you are looking for and it is at all important that you actually find someone to take, what if you think of a girl you'd like to get to know better or someone that you think would enjoy that particular activity and give her a call....? Just saying that way she will feel like you really want her there and you will for sure have a date for that night."

If this happens again.... a guy asking for a date by posting it on his facebook wall, I swear it to you I will post this! And by that point I may not even be so nice about it!

Dating has reached an all time low and I am sad to have just witnessed it. Twice!

I received the facebook invite from a super cute girl in my ward, announcing her wedding, to get addresses: "I'm getting married!"

My first thought: "good, now there is one less cute girl to compete with. Maybe if all the cute girls would hurry and get married, maybe I would stand a chance." hahah!

I guess that's a step up from what usually goes through my mind...

"How did she find someone decent?" "Why can't I find someone like that?"  and "They have no idea what they are doing. Bless their hearts and I hope it works out for them."

So after my last attempt at dating I decided that I get to take a break. I wanted to take time to focus on me for three months and try not to worry about how many weekends it's been since my last date, (4 to be exact, but I'm not counting or anything....) if I would ever get married, or if there were any dateable guys out there. And, absolutely no online dating subscriptions! even if I'm bored...

Well, I got asked out on a date.... by someone I know I would never want to date.... who this guy is, the fact that he's been turned down by almost every girl in the ward, and why I said yes is unimportant.

The real issue at hand is do I cancel or just go on a quickie date and get it over with? I don't want to go, just on principle. I'm not saying that if the right guy came along I would refuse a date with him but I am definitely not looking for dates.  But I swore off dating for three months, and do I ruin it for a date with someone I don't even want to go out with? It's the principle of the matter!

To freeze eggs or not to freeze eggs

I never really considered what it must be like to be the single, mid 30s girl. The old adage your biological clock is ticking was just a joke my friends and I threw around like it would never happen to us. When I turned 29 several men (brothers and coworker/friends) in my life reminded me that my biological clock was ticking, and that my eggs were "getting old" or "drying up". Honestly, I never considered it much. My biggest concern was if I  waited too long, would I be able to keep up with my kids when we do overnight back packing trips as a family. I always wanted to be young enough to still "play with my kids."

However, in talking to a few of my single guy friends about their dating prospects, it turns out they take this age thing and a woman's fertility to heart.... and many are bypassing the "older" girl for someone younger. Surprisingly, this is not because she possess young soft delicate skin, nor is it because her boobs and butt are still perky, or can sport the au natural hair color, (although I'm sure all that stuff helps) but because she is young and they don't have to worry about infertility.

Like I said, I never really worried about not being able to have children, but now that I think of it, the reality is that it's only 5 small years away. I'm not so much worried about not being able to get pregnant or bear children, (because the women in my family are notoriously known as "fertile Myrtles") as much as I am worried about being counted in the group of women that are "too old" to date. I can't just announce or go around wearing a sign assuring every single guy that my eggs are in fact still good and plentiful.

Well, I came across this article, "Freezing Eggs Extends Fertility Options." I honestly considered it for a a minute and read the article... hmmm.... Maybe I should freeze my eggs. just in case... But again, would I really want to be chasing a two year old around when I'm 45 or wishing I could have participated in backpacking trips with my kids at 55?

Anyways, I decided not to freeze my eggs.

lessons from "The Bachelor"

This has got to be the most awkward kiss of all time. So many lessons, of what not to do, from this clip I don't even know where to start. just watch.

losing strength in my resolve

I unsubscribed to my Match.com account a while ago, but I still get emails informing me when someone sends me a flirt.

I know. I know. I know. I've sworn off online dating for at least three months. ( I even have a friend to call and talk me down off the ledge, when I'm feeling weak, bored, curious, or desperate because I haven't had a date for 4 weeks) But I can't help but be curious who just sent me a flirt. So I check.... and look at their profile...

Rant starting in 3... 2....1....

It is so hard to resist or stay strong with my resolve to only date "good" lds guys. (goes to church, doesn't drink, obeys the law of chastity, etc) It seems like most of the "good" lds guys that ever show interest in me are for lack of better word, goobers.... (basically i'm not attracted to them or they are super awkward or shy, there's something that is "off" as my mom say. hahahah!)
But I get winks/emails (online) or guys asking me out that are not "good" lds guys but are actually cute and seem normal. It's frustrating! Hedge315... is 34 and cute and foxy and likes to cook, and loves camping, and seems really great and did I mention cute!? he has a scruffy beard is the perfect height....

When lds goobers are interested I can blame it on me. (I'm a goober. I'm not good enough for anything better. I'm too picky. etc) But when there are other guys who are actually cute, and seem normal and not like goobers that would actually want to get to know me and take me out and date me.... I can't help but feel frustrated and think "see I'm not that bad after all and maybe I could be with someone normal..."

There are two explanations that come to mind:

1) The normal and attractive lds guys are all married or have gone inactive, started drinking etc which puts them in the category that I'm talking about that is cute and normal and would actually want to date me. (I really need to come up with a name for this guy besides cute, normal guy who drinks... hahaha)

2) And the few normal attractive lds guys who actually do go to church and live the gospel have 200 girls to choose from and have thus become picky. It's no fault of their own. It is just a byproduct of the lds single culture. But I don't make the cut.

I swear I've ranted about this before.... But it takes all I have to not throw in the towel and just date someone I want to date, that's actually cute and normal. And if I hit 45 and am not married yet that's exactly what I'm going to do. 

How singles wards kill hope

I know the singles ward is not intended to be a meat market, rather a place where you can worship, with the added benefit of being around like-minded people who are at the same stage in life. But I can't help but hope that maybe I might make mutual friends and heaven forbid maybe meet someone I could possibly like enough to date and or marry, especially for someone like me where meeting decent single guys is harder.

You would think going to a singles ward would give you more hope in the possibility of marriage, but sometimes what it really does is crush the last ounce of hope you did have.

The sheer number of single girls in a singles ward makes you realize you don't stand a chance. There are a lot more cute girls to compete with than you ever imagined, as compared to the number of guys, and then taking into account all the other factors like age (I'm 29, so the fact that the average age in my ward is 23 narrows my options), level or weirdness (cut the number of eligible guys over the age of 25 in half), the number of attractive guys who are unattached, etc.... It makes you realize there aren't as many options, as far as decent guys to date, as you'd hope. And it brings to light the fact that there are a lot of other single people out there who never get married and you are one of them that may never get married.

Just sayin' sometimes the singles ward makes you realize what a hopeless cause you are. hahahaha!

guide to my heart

You win my heart:

If you can make me laugh or laugh with me enough to make my abs hurt
When you are honest
When you call me sweet things like darling or sweetheart
If you can cook, enjoy cooking or even just enjoy cooking with me
If you can pick me up and play wrestle with me
When you help me change my tire
If you touch my hair or neck when we kiss
When you take me camping or hiking

I am but a simple girl with simple dreams...

Lessons from "The Bachelor"

confession:
I just watched the bachelor. hahaha! Despite my decision to not watch it this season, I couldn't resist when my sister in law told me how good it was, not because of all the great girls or anything noble and good (because who watches the bachelor for that...? hahaha) but because there are so many crazy chicks and there is so much drama! and i agree completely. I'm hooked. there are so many psychos I have to watch it!

There are a lot of crazy weird girls and it is really juicy but I just watched the second episode tonight. One girl, I think her name is Jenna (It doesn't matter because she is gone, and here is why) told Ben, "I feel like I'm a guy in how I act, and so like being around girls all the time is very uncomfortable at times... I'm not like a girl. If that makes any sense.." REALLY?!
Did you just say you are like a guy and not like a girl!? (hand to forehead) I'm not quite sure why she would say something like that! Guys don't want to date guys! They want to date girls!
Needless to say she no longer on the show.... I wonder why!?

Don't try to be a guy or like a guy or try to convince a guy that you are like a guy! I know there is this idea that it's super cool to be "one of the guys" and hope that one of them will like you... but that only happens in the movies! In the end a guy wants to date a girl that is like a girl, unless he is gay....

Sometimes I can't figure out how to get videos to work on here so here is a link. just skip towards the end.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/316936/the-bachelor-week-2