Vulnerability and wholehearted living

This woman is my hero. I read her book, "The Gifts of Imperfection" and then ran into this amazing video. I just love this video. I have so many things that I could say about it. there are so many profound insights. But what i love is the scientific evidence as a result of research of things i've heard and read in other places.
difference between wholehearted livers:
belief of worthiness of love and belonging
fully embraced vulnerability - (i call this finding our perfection)

vulnerability and wholehearted living
-courage to be vulnerable to be imperfect
-compassion with selves and others
-connection as a result of authenticity

I received the facebook invite from a super cute girl in my ward, announcing her wedding, to get addresses: "I'm getting married!"

My first thought: "good, now there is one less cute girl to compete with. Maybe if all the cute girls would hurry and get married, maybe I would stand a chance." hahah!

I guess that's a step up from what usually goes through my mind...

"How did she find someone decent?" "Why can't I find someone like that?"  and "They have no idea what they are doing. Bless their hearts and I hope it works out for them."

The worst audiobook in the history of audiobooks

I just tried to listen the to worst audiobook ever, for the second time. Sometimes I listen to audiobooks at work but both times I've tried to listen to it I have almost fallen asleep at work, so bad that I can't finish the book. I've heard so many amazing things about "The Power of Now" and really wanted read it. I was so excited to be enlightened by the message. This book was narrated by the author, worst decision ever. His voice is so boring or soothing. I can't figure it out and maybe it's bot. I either fall asleep or my mind starts wandering and 30 minutes later I have no idea what I just listened to.

I'm sure this is a good book to read but I would never recommend the audiobook to anyone. 

I can't even give any insight on the contents of the book because honestly, I listened to one hour and I have no idea!

Maybe some day I will actually read it but for now it's time to move on.

So after my last attempt at dating I decided that I get to take a break. I wanted to take time to focus on me for three months and try not to worry about how many weekends it's been since my last date, (4 to be exact, but I'm not counting or anything....) if I would ever get married, or if there were any dateable guys out there. And, absolutely no online dating subscriptions! even if I'm bored...

Well, I got asked out on a date.... by someone I know I would never want to date.... who this guy is, the fact that he's been turned down by almost every girl in the ward, and why I said yes is unimportant.

The real issue at hand is do I cancel or just go on a quickie date and get it over with? I don't want to go, just on principle. I'm not saying that if the right guy came along I would refuse a date with him but I am definitely not looking for dates.  But I swore off dating for three months, and do I ruin it for a date with someone I don't even want to go out with? It's the principle of the matter!

To freeze eggs or not to freeze eggs

I never really considered what it must be like to be the single, mid 30s girl. The old adage your biological clock is ticking was just a joke my friends and I threw around like it would never happen to us. When I turned 29 several men (brothers and coworker/friends) in my life reminded me that my biological clock was ticking, and that my eggs were "getting old" or "drying up". Honestly, I never considered it much. My biggest concern was if I  waited too long, would I be able to keep up with my kids when we do overnight back packing trips as a family. I always wanted to be young enough to still "play with my kids."

However, in talking to a few of my single guy friends about their dating prospects, it turns out they take this age thing and a woman's fertility to heart.... and many are bypassing the "older" girl for someone younger. Surprisingly, this is not because she possess young soft delicate skin, nor is it because her boobs and butt are still perky, or can sport the au natural hair color, (although I'm sure all that stuff helps) but because she is young and they don't have to worry about infertility.

Like I said, I never really worried about not being able to have children, but now that I think of it, the reality is that it's only 5 small years away. I'm not so much worried about not being able to get pregnant or bear children, (because the women in my family are notoriously known as "fertile Myrtles") as much as I am worried about being counted in the group of women that are "too old" to date. I can't just announce or go around wearing a sign assuring every single guy that my eggs are in fact still good and plentiful.

Well, I came across this article, "Freezing Eggs Extends Fertility Options." I honestly considered it for a a minute and read the article... hmmm.... Maybe I should freeze my eggs. just in case... But again, would I really want to be chasing a two year old around when I'm 45 or wishing I could have participated in backpacking trips with my kids at 55?

Anyways, I decided not to freeze my eggs.

lessons from "The Bachelor"

This has got to be the most awkward kiss of all time. So many lessons, of what not to do, from this clip I don't even know where to start. just watch.

my worst swimming nightmare come true

This week is my spring break and next week is Sydney's so I'm trying to cram some fun things in between everything else I have to do. I picked her up from school yesterday and took her to the pool. To my horror I realized I forgot my swimming shorts. Yes I still wear swimming shorts like an insecure 14 year old girl, because I am insecure. I can't remember the last time I didn't wear shorts swimming. 5 grade, before that boy called me "thunder thighs," probably?

I had a moment of panic in the locker room and then put my jeans back on over my swimsuit and headed out to the pool area. I found a lawn chair, farthest away from everyone else, yet closest to the pool so the walk from my stuff to the pool wouldn't be so long, and then I sat there.... at least 10 minutes.... I finally talked myself into taking off my jeans and proceeded to walk to the pool as fast and nonchalantly as I could. But definitely not too fast so as not to cause everything to jiggle as I walked. So... smooth and fast and trying to look like I felt totally cool with the situation. "I'm cool, I am totally comfortable with my legs exposed and with my body, so cool that there is nothing to stare at. I'm cool. so just go back to reading your book or watching your kid in the pool. K? K."

This is how bad I wanted to swim. I did make it to the pool and thanked the heavens that there were not super hot skinny girls in bikinis and no cute guys. I don't know why that would make me feel so self conscious. If everyone was equally out of shape and lacked perfect bodies like me then I would be fine but when there are gorgeous people around I feel about the size of a pea but a super huge one.