Sydney has, quite honestly, been getting on my nerves. lately she has had the worst attitude. as my mom would say, she needs an "attitude adjustment." But mostly she has just been acting very spoiled and ungrateful. which made me think I have been pretty ungrateful lately...

this is my list of gratitude for divorce. this is not to say divorce is so amazing and everyone should go out and get one but I have been so blessed since my divorce and when I think about the trials that come with being single and dating they seem miniscule to the trials I experienced in my marriage.

I am grateful I get  to go to the International Conference on food styling and photography
that I can use my money how i want
doing what I want with my evenings
being in relationship with honest people
I have a second chance to create the relationship I want
I know what I want
kissing
doing spontaneous things
I have learned a lot about myself and what I want
I have learned to love and accept myself
I learned a lot about marriage, divorce and relationships
Spending more time with my family
I get this amazing opportunity to pursue my photography dreams
Sydney still gets to be in my life
I have learned a lot about being a good mom
I get to spend more time with sydney
I get to be in relationship with people who love and accept me for who I am

It's hard not to get your hopes up.... When something great comes up or an amazing opportunity is placed before me, I can't help but get excited.  I know better than to get my hopes up. Then I won't be so disappointed if it doesn't work out.... but shouldn't I be optimistic? And I do love that excited feeling.
I met someone... that seems pretty great.

I have been enlightened on the subject of clingy guys that I referred to in a previous post.
Someone explained to me that when a guy has a purpose and direction and a lot he is working toward in life then girls are clingy but when a guy doesn't and has a lot of free time on his hands he's the clingy one.
I would say that is pretty accurate, however there is one more factor that I have recently considered, the level of "like like" (as Sydney calls it).  Someone can come across as clingy when the other (the receiver of said clingy behavior) is not as interested as the clinger. But there is a line that has to be drawn. There are some things that are not okay, no matter how much you like the other person.

You know you are a clinger if after the first date or two:

- you text right after the date, then first thing next morning, and all day until your eyes shut ("blowing up their phone" with text messages) one text will suffice to let them know you had a good time.

- you ask for a play by play of the receiver's day and what they are doing every night after that

- when the receiver is vague about his or her plans friday night and you ask "what are you doing, who are you going with, where are you going, etc?" (they were vague for a reason)

- you give the receiver a  play by play of your day in full detail without even being asked.

- you try to occupy every night of the receivers week.

- you call, IM, and text message them constantly.

- you start talking cutesy too soon, calling them pet names like babe and hun, and saying things like "I wish you were here cuddling with me right now"

- you constantly write on their facebook wall and comment on all of their photos and posts

i did not take this photo

There is an art to managing expectations in dating. Yesterday at church someone was asking me about a recent date I went on and why I am not going out with the guy that night. My response, "I can't go out with him tonight! I went out with him last night! That is way too soon!" not that I am trying to play some kind of dating game, but I am merely managing expectations. Regardless if I like the guy and really do want to see him the next day, if I go out with him too soon he will start to expect me to hang out with him more and more often. I would be setting a precedent that I cannot keep up with. Likewise, if we talk on the phone after work for three days in a row just because I like talking to him, then when I can't do it every day we have a problem on our hands. I hate having to force myself to pull back but I can't keep up forever....

Gone are the days when a date was just that, a date, when a guy would pick you up around 6 and take you to dinner and a movie and you were were home by 11:30 or 12.

I feel like I'm back in high school where when you went to a dance with someone they made it into an all day event: starting with breakfast, a day activity, then you had that 2 hour break to go home change get ready for the actual dance, next dinner, 3 hours at the dance and then the after activity at someone's house. I like to call this marathon dating.

marathon dating: when a guy turns a date into an all day event by trying to start the date early when setting up the plans of the date or by dragging it out into the late hours of the night.

Okay that was my clean, mormon definition but here is Urban Dictionaries definition of marathon dating:
a date that lasts longer than normal, maybe 2 or 3 days... Usually involving a lot of long lasting tantra sex.

eg: when you are discussing the plans for dinner and a hike he mentions he wants to take you fishing before too... I think that date was like 10 hours and that's without the fishing. How many things can we cram into one date?

eg: when going out for ice cream on his motorcycle turns into a 6 hour drive. In an attempt to keep it short by starting at 8:30, he just drags it out all night.

How do you say "I want to go home now" without sounding rude? I haven't mastered the art of ending a date yet. But I thought "I'm freezing to death" or "I'm am so stinkin tired and should get to bed" on the both occasions would be enough for a guy to think "maybe I should get this girl home". apparently not....

image from http://www.10dailythings.com/tag/marathon/

They say, "just be yourself and the right guy will come along and like you for who you are." or  "Just be yourself and if that's not what they're looking for then you probably wouldn't want to be with them anyway."

Well sometimes being myself seems like a recipe for disaster... (that is if I can ever actually be myself around I guy that I like. I usually get all shy and can't even think of anything to do or say.) Anyways, if I "just be myself" in hopes of someone actually liking who me being myself is, and that it would essentially weed out the rest who aren't interested, then there won't be anyone left. As in there won't be anyone left to like me.... (granted maybe there will be one or two but people tend to forget that a very selfish part of me wants to actually like them back....)
I love this clip from the movie, "He's just not that into you." If I was a movie character this is who I would be. not by choice but just because when it comes to dating this is exactly how I am.

Grrr. I can't get the video to post. so here is a link

K. I get that this blog has kind of turned into more of a dating blog with other random stuff peppered throughout. A blog where I piss and moan about my pathetic dating life... But wahtevs. It's my blog and I can write about what I want. Besides, no one reads it anyways! But it is funny how I write like there is an actual audience. hahahah! It just feels good to get all of my messed up thoughts out of my head and then I can forget about it. Apparently I have a lot of thoughts on dating and relationships.

So I recently changed wards. If you are at all familiar with the goings on of the LDS church you may have heard of the reorganization of the young single adult wards and student wards. Basically they did away with the student wards and stakes, of which I was a member, and combined them with the young single adult wards.

From what it sounds like they anticipate some major missionary work within the newly organized young single adult wards. I actually like my new ward and change is always good when it affects your dating pool. Although, it doesn't seem to be doing much for my dating life as of yet.

Is it bad to think that maybe with the missionary work that they anticipate, there might be some guy who is less active or inactive that might start coming back to church and then might be a tad more open minded about my situation (being a divorced, old lady with a kid)?

I know I shouldn't hope for such things with my new resolve to only date guys who are active and lds and stuff, but I just wonder if they might be more open minded than the typical guys I find at church who have a pretty clear idea of what they want which does not include a divorced woman with an 8 year old.

Not that I want to date someone who is inactive, but I haven't seen any other prospects in my new ward yet. (it's only been like two months in the new ward.. probably less. hahah) I was just thinking if some guy started going to church before I met him and he was already making the effort for himself, maybe I won't worry so much about if he is doing it for me or if his efforts are sincere like I do with guys I meet outside of church who are less active and start going after they meet me. Oh and the whole part about them being open minded to dating someone with a kid and who is divorced.... would be really nice. :)

blehhh! that's a lot of rambling and I don't even know if any of it makes any sense!

just a thought...

Oh! Red Lobster guy sent me a text the other day... He wanted to go to a movie. a movie I have been wanting to see oh so badly. I didn't go. I was sure he had a girlfriend.... He confirmed. she lives in moab and he just wanted someone to go to a movie with. hmmmm....