I like lists. I love making lists. So here is a list.

Times when I think, "I am so glad I'm not married right now":

1) When I see my brother and his wife arguing about who gets to go on a vacation over a certain weekend. the debate is if he gets to go on a hunting trip or if she gets to go to Las Vegas with her girlfriends.

2) Christmas time. I can't help but think what a relief it is to not have to stress about what to buy my husband for Christmas. Buying gifts for guys is so hard and stressful! I never know what to get.

3) After Christmas shopping with my sister and her husband is not happy about the money she spent. I can spend my own money on whatever I want, whenever I want, wherever I want and not have to feel guilty about what I bought or how much it cost.

4) On Christmas and Thanksgiving after I just stuffed my face full of turkey and all I want to do is sleep. I don't have to worry about going out in the cold and making the trip to someone else's house and I don't have to miss out on playing cards with my family.

5) On nights when all I want to do is be lazy, sit in my jammies, be cozy and watch a chick flick. I totally can! I don't have to watch some guy movie.

the following was a post from November 18. Hahahah! Sometimes I over think things and I can get so dramatic. hehe. I'm almost embarrassed to post this but oh well!

Since then I've decided to go back to school. yay! However, I failed to quit dating... But I have a new resolve to only go on two dates a week, which forces me to make some much needed decisions.

And here it goes. enjoy!

"I guess I'm done. I'm done.


I have been so unhappy lately about the direction my life is going right..... because it is going no where. It's that feeling like I'm trying to move forward but I'm not moving at all. I feel like a duck trying to move up a river. I seem to be just floating on the surface but under that water my feet are paddling a hundred miles per hour and I'm not even going anywhere! I'm done paddling in circles.


I want so badly to have some kind of direction in my life. Of course in my head I'm thinking that direction is getting married and having a family.... but it's not happening. I started thinking I need to just make "myself more available," "put myself out there" more, and "show guys that I'm interested." well I've been doing that..... And I'm exhausted. And I'm discouraged. It's all fun and games at first until someone gets hurt or in this case, exhausted and even more frustrated. (All my own fault... of course) I was going on 4 dates a week  and I had some kind of expectation that if I am more open to the possibility I would meet someone that I feel good about dating. well....


Maybe I'm not going in that direction and I am done trying. And it's scary.... because it feels like giving up. I know that if I don't "put myself out there" then I will go back to spending every night at home.... and getting married really won't ever happen and I may get even more depressed... which makes me wonder why do I think I need to get married why do I want it so bad? I like having someone to share my life with, I want someone to love and who loves me. I want kids and a family. I guess I already have all of that....  And I wonder if I got married would I feel the same way as I do now?  Just having babies and raising kids and maybe still working part time.... so is that really moving? But apparenly I have to learn to be happy with where I am now before I can move forward. At least that is what I'm told. (not sure if I believe all that crap) And it makes me wonder did everyone who has gotten married really love themselves where they were and were completely happy single before they were married? really?! So i'm not putting myself out there anymore. And I'm done trying.


what I will do with my new free time:
quit my job and focus on my photo business?
really do food photography?
art therapy?
or just another job all together?
culinary school?

I’m not a skinny girl,

I’ve never been a skinny girl,

I’ll probably never be a skinny girl.

and that's okay

Email of the day from match.com:

"Let's spoil you!"

Really?! that's it....?  No "hi. how are you?"  "hi. my name is..." ?! nothing is more insulting than to have someone minimize who I am as a woman. Okay! There are a lot more insulting things. hahahaha! Just being dramatic... but really?!

He may as well have just said, " I know you are a girl, so you must be dumb and superficial and only care about getting stuff and things.... So rather than waste my time typing a real message and to get to know you, I'm just going to play off your materialistic nature by saying 'let's spoil you.' okay? Now swoon...."

No thank you! Go spoil someone else who doesn't have brain. I'm looking for more than someone to spoil me and you didn't make the cut.

why are beards so sexy? It is unexplainable. but they are. wouldn't you agree? not the super long nasty kind but just a bit of scruff is oh so nice to look at....



http://edwardbennett.tumblr.com/post/13856520303

This is not fact but I am quite certain I am absolutely right on this one. (Until I am proven otherwise... hehehe)
What makes a good, successful, happy marriage?


Time

The only difference between that old happily married couple you regard with wonder and the people who had unhappy marriages and are divorced, is time. Sticking it out, staying together, learning to be there for each other,  and learning to love and accept each other just the way they are, and growing together and growing in love in those hard times, because every marriage has them.
I imagine it's a different kind of love from when you are dating or have even been married for a few years.

This is a post I wrote back on Nov 15th that I completely forgot about until I came across this photo on pinterest and I was reminded of this post. So I decided to share it.  I just spent the last two hours looking for the source so I could give due credit, but alas I have been unsuccessful. I say wasting two hours of my life is enough to say I tried!

I'm sure in every singles ward there is that one guy... that guy that all the girls love, the guy that is always surrounded by a crowd of girls just hoping and praying he might notice them. Everyone knows who he is.Well there is one in my ward, as in every ward, I'm sure.

He's the "complete package": he is very attractive, nice face and clearly in good shape as pointed out when he talks about the physical training he does, he sings (or plays guitar), he does (insert manly job here, such as mining for gold in Alaska), he is "so spiritual," as noted when he bore his testimony on fast sunday.... etc. well I admit those things do seem pretty exciting.... and manly.... hahaha (don't judge me.)

But the hottie patottie in the ward isn't so hot after talking to him. I've had a few occasions to speak with him under different circumstances and I feel like I know everything about his workout routine, his manly job, his music, and his dating life, as every conversation consists of those same topics. But if you asked him, I don't think he could tell you one thing about me. Not that I'm particularly crushed by it. Just saying I don't think Dale Carnegie's rules on "How to Win Friends and Influence People" apply to hot people. Seems like they can get away with talking about only themselves in every conversation and still get every girl in the ward to swoon.

I don't know if I'm more disappointed in him or all the girls who follow him around like love sick puppies.