Lowest of the low in dating

There are rules to dating. I don't care what anyone says there are rules. And within those rules for dating there are rules or steps to follow  when asking someone out. It's not like they are super hard to follow.

Steps to asking someone out on a date:

1. Select the girl you'd like to ask out
2. Call in advance and ask ( if you ask out any later than three days you can hope to get a date but don't expect a girl to be free)
3. Set a date and time
4. Make a plan for what you will do on said date (this one can happen at any point in the asking out process as long as it is decided before you pick her up, and it can even be tentative idea of what you want to do as long as you don't pick her up and then ask her, "So. What do you want to do?")

That's it! easy peasy!

Ask any girl and most of the time she will say she appreciates it when a guy calls to ask you out, rather than sends a text, email, facebook chat etc. And there is another handful of girls who will say the despise when a guy asks them out over text or facebook. And will even turn down a date if it is approached that way.

I agree it is annoying. but I don't get all huffy about it. I understand it can be intimidating to ask someone out but at some point you just have to man up and just do it. I have found in such cases it is best, when someone asks you out over text, to say something like, "I'd love to go out. Give me a call and we can decide when" or something like that. you get the point.

But I have witnessed over the past week, two displays of the lowest of the low in asking for a date. Asking for a date via facebook status. This is different from asking a specific girl over chat. It is posting on your facebook wall or you singles ward's facebook group page that you are looking for a date if anyone is interested.

See examples posted on my singles ward facebook page: 

"So I was invited to a red carpet movie premiere of Richard Dutcher's "Fallen" tonight and was told I should try to find a date. Short notice I know but any girls out there have a nice dress/outfit that they don't get a chance to wear, maybe even an old prom dress, and wouldn't mind going with me, just get a hold of me. Just so you know though this is an opportunity mainly for networking within the film industry more than anything else. There is somewhat of a "wrap party" after the premiere as well, which is the better opportunity for meeting people."

Comment from another guy in the ward: "Ladies, you're idiots if you don't take him up on this offer."

"I'm looking for a date this Friday night. If you like to dance, or are ok with learning, and would like to go on a casual date, message me with your contact info and I'll be in touch. Thanks!"

This was my comment, but then decided to just post it here, rather than start any confrontation or fights on our ward's facebook group page:
"So.... I love you boys... and I admire all the courage it takes to ask girls out. But if it is a DATE you are looking for and it is at all important that you actually find someone to take, what if you think of a girl you'd like to get to know better or someone that you think would enjoy that particular activity and give her a call....? Just saying that way she will feel like you really want her there and you will for sure have a date for that night."

If this happens again.... a guy asking for a date by posting it on his facebook wall, I swear it to you I will post this! And by that point I may not even be so nice about it!

Dating has reached an all time low and I am sad to have just witnessed it. Twice!

More eggs

I've spent the day online trying to find a college that offers two psychology classes online at a price that I can possibly afford. The local community college doesn't offer them online. (a must because I can't possibly spend four nights a week in class) and everywhere else I've looked one online class is like $1000+.  To be honest I am feeling a little bit discouraged. anyways...

Brilliant idea! maybe I should donate my eggs!
I have perfectly good ones. I'm not using them. And I could really use the money...
That would probably pay for a whole year of college! This is the best idea I've ever had!

Well I'm sad to report that I only have one more month until I no longer meet the minimum requirements.
Because it is such a lengthy process, that probably won't do...

Doh! *hand to head* Why didn't I think of this before I got so old!? hahah!

I was reading about the differences between women donating eggs and men donating sperm.... If I was a man I would be donating sperm like it was my job! That is some easy money! :)

Courage is not the absence of fear

Speaking of courage...

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear."

Ambrose Redmoon

Yesterday I came across this quote on a blog, "Untangled: A psychologists reflections on therapy and life"
I admit my inner nerd came out when I saw the word psychologist. hehe It's a great post on fear and living passionately.
I just felt like it was such a perfect definition of courage because so many of us believe that courage is the absence of fear. But courage is moving forward in the face of fear. I feel like fear is what keeps us from being our true authentic selves. It keeps us from being vulnerable.

Real Courage

A few weeks ago I bore my testimony in sacrament meeting. woo! i did it..... jk that's not the point. 

In my testimony I mentioned that I am raising my niece. (keep in mind I attend a singles ward) And a week prior to that I was asked to share an experience where Relief Society has touched my life for a video that would be shown at a stake relief society meeting, in which I shared that I was divorced. boo hoo. what's the big deal right? Well it was a big deal, for me.... for a long time I have tried to keep my two lives separate. 

My life 1) I'm a single 29 year old girl who has a bachelors in fine art and attends a singles ward, and tries to date and be social like a "normal" single person.

My life 2) I'm a single mom who works part time at an art publisher, has been divorced for 4 years and who struggles to be social and tries to make room for dating.

By announcing to the whole ward and stake that I'm divorced and have a child, well, it's really scary and I know it comes with a lot of stigma and judgement, and most of all I know that maybe it even decreases my chances of getting a date. And sometimes people are a little uncomfortable with this info, like they wish they hadn't asked because they don't know what to say.  "oh" *insert awkward silence here* It's okay I'm used to it.

I'm not ready to start bringing sydney along when I hang out with friends but I am ready for people to know the real me and to understand why I seem antisocial and non-committal when it comes to social events and parties. 

Often times we think that by showing certain parts of ourselves, the parts that we don't want others to see, the parts that we are embarrassed about, that we are exposing our weaknesses.  But I don't think it is shows weakness at all. I think it is shows our courage. It takes courage to show all of who we are, to wear our heart on our sleeves. It takes courage to own the parts of ourselves that we don't like. It takes courage and and huge amount of strength the admit "what I'm going through is hard and I need someone to listen and maybe even a hug," or "I feel overwhelmed and I could use help." That takes real courage, real power, real strength. And it's inspiring. I get inspired when someone says "this is who I really am and this is how I really feel" even when it's not a good day, even when it's not the "best" part of who they are. That takes real courage.

They are showing the best part of who they are. STRENGTH and COURAGE.

Photo from: Fierce Inc.