I think I'm starting to understand a small part of how guys operate (in one situation that is)....

When they still email, text, call, instant message you after you've stated your intentions of not dating them, they are possibly thinking there is still chance that you will become interested. They play the part of "friend" until you tell them you have met someone and you have become that someone's girlfriend then you never hear from them again. They no longer ask how your weekend was and no longer try to tell you about their new job, vacation or their brother's new baby.

I suspect it's because they finally believe me when I say I'm not interested or they realize that I am not going to become interested in time and that I am in fact dating other people. I'm not terribly heart broken over it, just find it curious and a little funny.

eeek! It's been so long. I guess I haven't had a lot to complain about and that's what I usually do here..... hahahaha!

Maybe the other reason I haven't posted recently is because I started dating someone (same guy I mentioned here and here, and prompted this post.) and he found out about this blog! So I don't know how to write when I know others are reading it! oh well. I guess I can still be totally honest until I don't like him anymore and am fretting about ending it... Kidding!

My only thoughts right now are, maybe it is possible....
Possible to meet someone that seems so perfect, possible to like someone enough to want to spend all my time with them, possible to meet someone that accepts me the way I am, possible to meet someone that I feel so comfortable and safe with, possible to feel peace about being with one person.

All things that I always thought were impossible. So many times in dating I've thought, "what am I willing to over look?" Like I had to make a choice between someone who loves and accepts me, or someone who is lds and has integrity and the same values. Never did I think it was possible to have both at the same time...

And there is another part of me, perhaps my ego where my fears live, that is afraid that it will end. Because I know others have felt this way about me and I didn't reciprocate. I feel so at peace with this person and this relationship. Why do I allow myself to doubt that I deserve it, that I could be so lucky?

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Let's be friends..... Can we still be friends....
we've all heard or said it in a break up. breaking up is so hard and the idea of never seeing or talking to that person again at the time seems unbearable.

But I'm not completely convinced this is always such a good idea.... It seems like it would be okay at the time but it always seems to back fire. And it begs the question, how much do I owe an ex? I mean if we are broken up and are no longer together should I feel obligated to tell them when they call and I'm on a date, that I was on a date...? Am I obligated to hang out with them if I don't want to? And when I am dating someone else do I have to tell the ex?

I personally don't think I am obligated to but when it does come out they act all  upset that I didn't tell them.  What am I supposed to do just be like, "guess what I am dating someone?!" out of the blue? I don't even do that with my family or friends!  That just makes me feel like I'm trying to rub it in if I announce it to an ex like it's some kind of job promotion.

It's not like it comes up in conversation often.... "so are you dating anyone?" There is never a good time to tell an ex. So.... I just procrastinate it...... waiting for that "so are you dating anyone?" and it never comes. And I procrastinate it longer until I just break down. so as not to get chewed out later for not saying something sooner, I tell them out of the blue. Awkward.....

Happy kissing day!

Just wanted to post some of the best movie kisses. (IMO)
I couldn't find video of Sixteen Candles, Pride and Prejudice. Go watch em!

I freaking love this show and this part where Romeo and Juliet first meet. It's kind of long but I couldn't find a different one that showed where they meet and the kiss on the elevator. And you have to watch both of those parts. It's all about the buildup anyways.... and the song is pretty perfect too. 

Forgive me..... but this kiss is hot.

I just wish it didn't have the lame part where he flies through the air.... and the part where he's a total creeper who sneaks into girls rooms to watch them sleep.... hahahah!

I used to have the biggest crush on Ethan Embry. Perfect and sweet first kiss from Can't Hardly Wait. I love everything about this kiss and this scene and the whole show. hahaha! Again, amazing song.

Imagine me as a silly high school girl, watching this, dreaming of my first kiss.... Yup! I'm a nerd....

Another lesson in letting go of expectation, control and that "I NEED this and I'll die without it" attitude....

shortly after I deleted my ldssingles.com account (my own way of saying "I'm done with online dating!") and some lamenting about my most current dating frustrations, I got an email from match.com. Here's a little history: a long time ago I created a profile on match hoping I would have a different experience with that site. But I never paid for an active account and so I couldn't receive email from other members, just emails from match.com tempting me to actually pay so I could see said emails from other members. I was never ready to commit because it didn't seem like it would be that different. I digress, I got an email from match, "see today's matches" and I opened it, saw a photos of a guy who, according to match, was a perfect match for me..... so I clicked on his profile. And he did seem like a perfect match, and cute except the one sentence at the beginning that said he was taking a break from the website and was seeing someone.....

Boo! well I decided to just send him a "wink" as that is all I could do because I am too cheap to be able to do anything else. hahhahah! love how complicated I make my life because of my cheapness! Hoping maybe in three months or so he would break up with that other girl and check his account, I hit send. It was a long shot in the dark and seemed pretty unlikely so maybe that's why I didn't ever expect to ever  hear from him and never thought much of it after that. I'm not sure what I ever expected to happen in three months when he broke up with that other girl.... It's not like I could open an email if he ever sent me one. Unless he just so happened to look me up.... which he did! on facebook! and he sent me an email.

I didn't send him the wink and fret over whether he would see my pic, or see that I have a kid, or that I am divorced and be repulsed by me. I just did it, thinking that would be so cool since we seem to have a lot in common, and I let it go. I let go of the expectation and worry, and I need this attitude.

side note: he was no longer seeing that girl but hadn't updated his profile because he didn't renew his subscription when it ended. I had to make sure when I first talked to him because it goes against my own integrity to do that to someone else.

funny how when you want something crazy bad and you might just die if it doesn't happen so you try super hard and it doesn't work out.
a little lesson in letting go of expectation, control and that "I NEED this and I'll die without it" attitude.

I just got home from my food photo conference and towards the end I was so antsy to get home. my plane was scheduled to leave at 2:00 pm.  I was missing sydney like crazy. I wanted to get home earlier so I wouldn't have to spend my entire day flying. I wanted to go to visitor night at girls camp so I could see my old friends on the stake camp board.

So, I tried to get on an earlier flight. looked into standby but turns out I was too cheap to pay to have it changed. Apparently if you fly stand by, you have to take the same route to only have to pay $75. Otherwise you would have to "change" your flight for $150. hmmmm how much is getting home early worth... I seriously considered this. But alas decided not to sink anymore money into this over priced trip.

So I opted for my original time, 2:00pm, just to find out as I was entering the airport that my flight was cancelled. I ended up hanging out at the airport for 3 hours for my next flight. luckily it was a direct flight and only got into salt lake 45 minutes later than my original arrival time. So much for getting home any earlier.
Phew that was a close one! Although I loved Boston I am so glad I didn't have to spend another night there. I just wanted to get home so bad!