"A woman in love can't be reasonable - or else she wouldn't be in love."
Mae West

"Don't cry for a man who's left you - the next one may fall for your smile"
Mae West

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

It's scary but that is what I've decided. I already screwed everything up. I try so hard to make dating me easy because I know how hard it can be to date me, with a kid, and working and starting a photography business and my church calling, and family, and trying to take care of my body (starting p90x next week... eek!). Also I have this fear that if I am not easy to date they will leave. so.... I train guys not to pursue me.....bleh! But I have to remind myself that I am worth it and I deserve to be with someone that feels I am worth it.

well I'm letting go, because I can't act like I don't care anymore.

Tonight Syd (my eight year old daughter) asked me "what do you do if you like someone?"

Poor girl. If I knew that maybe i'd be married by now. I'm still trying to figure that all out.

"Early love is when you love the way the other person makes you feel. Mature love is when you love the person as he or she is. It is the difference between passionate and compassionate love"

Time Magazine "What is Love"

We've all heard of "man code" including such things listed on askmen.com.
But is there "woman code"? there should be!
K I did find one online here and on a couple facebook pages.

I think we really need one and #1 on the list is you don't try to steal another woman's man.
If you know a man you are interested in has a girlfriend then back the eff down. It's just really sleazy if you are throwing yourself at someone who has made it clear they already have a girlfriend. It is okay to wait and see how things go with said girlfriend and be available once they do breakup but don't try to get him to break up with his girlfriend for you. (that is if you do not know the girlfriend. If you do know the girlfriend, move on and find a new man to chase)

since my last post I had an ah ha moment.
I love when that happens!

I was reminded of a lesson I learned a few years ago. and well.... got to learn it again. oh joy! Learning is like an onion. there are layers and when you have learned a lesson sometimes you get to learn it again... and sometimes again. until you've peeled back all of the layers to truth and light.

a few years ago someone showed me that I have been putting myself in the "bargain basement" and have not owned my worth. (literally they called me "bargain basement," the label that I had subconsciously given myself) And recently Almost four years ago I pulled myself out of the discount box and dusted myself off and put myself back on the shelf with all the other worthy and valuable girls. I recently realized that I had jumped off the shelf and back into the discount box and rolled my self back down those stairs into the "bargain basement." And I don't belong there. That is the big lesson.

It sounds like I am speaking in code. hahahaha! here it is, totally open and honest.

I tend to think that that "happily ever after" is for those "other" girls, the ones that actually get to live happily ever after. I have created a pattern where I think I have to settle for a less when it comes to dating or wake one day to realize I am the other person's 3rd priority. why? because I gave them the message that that's where I belong. Why? because that is where I hold myself. Why? Because I have had this belief that is so deeply rooted within me that I don't deserve something more, that I am not valuable, and that I am not worthy of that great and amazing guy, and that I do not deserve that happily ever after.

But I am. I am worthy, and valuable and lovable. And I do deserve that great amazing guy and I am amazing to have that amazing guy.

And so it is!