since my last post I had an ah ha moment.
I love when that happens!

I was reminded of a lesson I learned a few years ago. and well.... got to learn it again. oh joy! Learning is like an onion. there are layers and when you have learned a lesson sometimes you get to learn it again... and sometimes again. until you've peeled back all of the layers to truth and light.

a few years ago someone showed me that I have been putting myself in the "bargain basement" and have not owned my worth. (literally they called me "bargain basement," the label that I had subconsciously given myself) And recently Almost four years ago I pulled myself out of the discount box and dusted myself off and put myself back on the shelf with all the other worthy and valuable girls. I recently realized that I had jumped off the shelf and back into the discount box and rolled my self back down those stairs into the "bargain basement." And I don't belong there. That is the big lesson.

It sounds like I am speaking in code. hahahaha! here it is, totally open and honest.

I tend to think that that "happily ever after" is for those "other" girls, the ones that actually get to live happily ever after. I have created a pattern where I think I have to settle for a less when it comes to dating or wake one day to realize I am the other person's 3rd priority. why? because I gave them the message that that's where I belong. Why? because that is where I hold myself. Why? Because I have had this belief that is so deeply rooted within me that I don't deserve something more, that I am not valuable, and that I am not worthy of that great and amazing guy, and that I do not deserve that happily ever after.

But I am. I am worthy, and valuable and lovable. And I do deserve that great amazing guy and I am amazing to have that amazing guy.

And so it is!