A wise man (my older brother) once said, "it's better to be the person that is less interested in or less into the other person than the other person is into you" or something like that. Basically if you're less into the other person you have all the control.

A wise woman (I'm not sure who. it could have been my friend, Kristina or my sister, because they are both very wise) once said, "in every relationship there are times where one will be more into the other but it all balances out because you take turns being the less interested and more interested one" well that's my version of it.

Another wise woman once said, "a marriage/relationship is not 50/50. It's 100/100. Each person has to give 100%." that was me but I learned that from several people while going through the hardest year of my marriage so I can't take full credit for it. Both people have to give 100% for it to be successful and fulfilling relationship. I struggled with this in my marriage because if I'm giving 100% and the other person is giving 30% then I start to lose the drive to give 100%. Apparently "the highest vibration will be honored" and by living fully and loving freely and giving 100% you will inspire others to give and love fully too..... however there is the possibility that they will choose not to be inspired.... and that is where the other person will step up.... or the relationship will "dissolve".

okay and one last thought: according to Alisa Goodwin Snell, "Utah's dating coach" and author of "Dating game secrets for marrying a good man"(yeah... I read it. Don't judge. Desperate times call for desperate measures and it was actually good), "Men are driven to succeed, face challenges, compete, and conquer... No matter how much a good man may deeply enjoy a woman taking the lead, where there is no challenge, there is no conquest, and he is likely to become bored and start looking for something better within three weeks (because things that seem more challenging seem more rewarding)." she also says, being too available "turns men off because things that are more challenging seem more rewarding to men."

so what's the point of this rambling....? I'm just trying to sort things out in my head between giving 100% in a relationship and  allowing the man I am with to step up and be a man and pursue me. I'm trying to figure out how all of that fits together.... because I do believe all of those things.

Does there come a point in a relationship where you stop the chase and accept that you have each other... and you graciously give of yourselves and the love easily and freely? when is that point? why does pulling back my love and the way I choose to express/show my love feel like I'm holding back? And can you really have a fully connected and fulfilling relationship when one or both are holding back?

ways I'm thinking of pulling back:
not text him to say hi everyday
not leave my nights open when I know he has work off
not leave silly notes for him
not give him little gifts like homemade cookies, chocolate from the store, things for his house, etc
not invite him to social things that I am going to
don't always be available that evening if he calls at the last minute ( find stuff that i "have" to do)

and I'm justifying it by saying that it takes more work for me to hold back and thus that is me giving my 100% and I'm allowing him to step up and take the lead like a man. and as scary as it is.... accept that if he doesn't step up and lean in and it "dissolves" then it wasn't the relationship for me.