Because I have been to that hell that is a miserable marriage and divorce and back, it is hard not to observe, dissect and scrutinize other marriages and wonder if they are really happy.
I often catch myself doing this messed up thing where I notice people who are seemingly happy and then I try to figure out what it's really like under their "perfect" life... I try to imagine what it's like when they are home. I try to speculate what they could possibly be unhappy about. I try to imagine what their marriage is like. I look for signs that they are unhappy....
hahahah It's sick and wrong really.... but it is true
I know this! the worst was when I was in the family ward right after I found out about my ex's affair. I would sit in church and try to imagine who in that room was cheating on their spouse, and then who had cheated on their spouse in the past and then I would think about how many years it must have taken the spouse to forgive. I would think about who would stay married and who would get divorced and in how many years.
In all my searching for miserable couples and marriages there are some that I stand out to me as "happy". I'm not talking about the kind where they obviously just got married two years ago and are still madly in love with each other and are still excited about their future family and lives. Nor am I talking about the token older couple who has stayed together for over 30 years. I'm talking about a marriage that is alive and active right now, and despite the hard times they have faced, are facing now and have yet to face, I truly do believe they will stay married and happy. I'm not saying they will never be unhappy. Everyone has feelings of unhappiness at some point. But they will still love each other and choose to stay and be happy.
One relationship I admire is that of my little sister and her husband who have been married 9 years.
I just got back from a tip to visit them and their three little kids. They have no idea how much I watch them hahah! it's really creepy. hehe!
I watched him come home from work and roll around on the floor with the kids. I watched them actually talk to each other and joke with each other and take care of each other. She was caring and sweet and he sat and watched a movie with us. They go camping together.... He would say how hot and gorgeous she is when I teased her about her plumber's crack... After all these years, and three kids he is still in love with her and she is still in love with him. The night before we left, while she got her hair dyed by my mom, I went with my brother in law to the grocery store to buy dr. peppers for us on our drive home. he mentioned in our conversation about my divorce how he could never leave her. He explained how he married up and how much he lucked out. He said she could leave him but if he left her everyone would tell him what an idiot he is for leaving such an amazing woman. (not verbatim but you get the point) And whenever I talk to my sister I can tell she is genuinely happy. She would pick up and move with her husband anywhere he wanted to go, and she does. She assures me that the still disagree, and get frustrated with each other but I know enough to know that's expected.
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