Hope

There have been times in my life where I was sure I had no hope. I felt completely hopeless not just exhausted or like giving up but felt like what my heart desires most would never come to be....

I feel like I've been reliving my own pride cycle like in the Book of Mormon. You know the old pride cycle where the people have to keep getting humbled because they get so prideful and wicked...?

Here is my pride cycle:
I think i'm in control of my life and know exactly what I want and then everything I have been trying so hard for slips through my fingers, gone. And I am humbled and reminded that I am not in charge here and it is not up to me. Never before have I felt so much like my life, this life I'm living, is not my own. It is not up to me and I don't get to call all the shots like I think. No matter how hard I try or how much I think I know how it should go it's out of my control. It's up to God and what he wants me to do. when I'm running into dead ends over and over and nothing seems to work or everything gets taken away, I remember that I don't have a say how this story goes or how it ends. Sometimes it makes me sad to think that what I want won't happen and sometimes it feels scary. But at the same time maybe it's good because God is keeping me from effing up my own life. He knows how bad I can mess things up. God is constantly reminding me that I am not in control here.

"Hope is an abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to you.  It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance.  It is believing and expecting that something will occur.  When you have hope, you work through trials and difficulties with the confidence and assurance that all things will work together for your good.  Hope helps you conquer discouragement."  - Preach My Gospel p. 117.


I'm working on the hope thing because most of the time it just feels hopeless....