This week is my spring break and next week is Sydney's so I'm trying to cram some fun things in between everything else I have to do. I picked her up from school yesterday and took her to the pool. To my horror I realized I forgot my swimming shorts. Yes I still wear swimming shorts like an insecure 14 year old girl, because I am insecure. I can't remember the last time I didn't wear shorts swimming. 5 grade, before that boy called me "thunder thighs," probably?
I had a moment of panic in the locker room and then put my jeans back on over my swimsuit and headed out to the pool area. I found a lawn chair, farthest away from everyone else, yet closest to the pool so the walk from my stuff to the pool wouldn't be so long, and then I sat there.... at least 10 minutes.... I finally talked myself into taking off my jeans and proceeded to walk to the pool as fast and nonchalantly as I could. But definitely not too fast so as not to cause everything to jiggle as I walked. So... smooth and fast and trying to look like I felt totally cool with the situation. "I'm cool, I am totally comfortable with my legs exposed and with my body, so cool that there is nothing to stare at. I'm cool. so just go back to reading your book or watching your kid in the pool. K? K."
This is how bad I wanted to swim. I did make it to the pool and thanked the heavens that there were not super hot skinny girls in bikinis and no cute guys. I don't know why that would make me feel so self conscious. If everyone was equally out of shape and lacked perfect bodies like me then I would be fine but when there are gorgeous people around I feel about the size of a pea but a super huge one.
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